They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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