found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
