Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Vodka?
Forever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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