i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had to cum in my sink.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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