I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
