Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
