Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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