oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
