i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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