had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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