i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
