I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
