the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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