then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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