Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
