whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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