i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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