I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Randomize
