Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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