There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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