I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
