so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
