glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
