I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
