If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
