Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
