You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
