Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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