Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
