sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
