Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
