it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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