I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
