I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
