All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
