And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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