I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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