ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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