I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
