Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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