i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
