She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
