Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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