Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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