i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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