i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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