I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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