I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
