I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
