So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
