Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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