I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
