But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
