ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
