Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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