you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
