You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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