just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
