Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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