Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
