Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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