Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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