Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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