My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
