Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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