Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
